This is one of those posts where I write it and have to immediately click “publish” because otherwise I might lose my nerve.
You see, my last blog post was about being somewhere in Europe. But I’ve been back from Europe for 6 months (side note: how is that possible?) and haven’t written a thing. My Europe trip actually feels like it was a dream-when I think back on it I can’t believe that I really did that, and did it all on my own. But you don’t know much about it because I never really blogged about it-at least not in the way I intended.
And then I got to thinking-my relationship with blogging has been quite sporadic. I would blog daily for a few weeks and then it would fall to the way-side, and this continued for years (fun fact: I started my first blog in 2008!). But I always felt like something was missing-like it wasn’t me. So I thought about the blogs that I read on a daily basis (there’s only about 5 that have stuck with me over the last few years) and I compiled a list in my head of what keeps me coming back to those blogs day after day. Is it the healthy eating tips and workouts that Gina posts? Is it the cookie recipes from Jenna? Is it the running recaps from Meghann or Mama Pea’s wittiness? Nope (although I do think Mama Pea is huh-larious). While I love all of those aforementioned things, what really keeps me coming back day after day (sometimes more than once a day!) is the person behind the blog. I love to learn about other people’s lives, watch their struggles and their achievements, learn from their mistakes, and silently cheer them on. Healthy Tipping Point is probably my favorite blog ever, and it’s because Caitlin is so consistently candid about her struggles, her life, etc etc. I love that she is honest and open about absolutely everything. To me, that is the most "real” you can be on the internet.
And then it hit me.
Blogging was frustrating me because I was never being completely honest-I felt like I had to put on a front, and act like everything was peachy and rose-smelling. And just like that, instead of being an outlet for me to be open about my life and share both the ups and the downs, blogging simply became a chore. I was always worried about what people would think (would they think less of me? would they look down on me?), I would re-think every post a hundred times, and I would end up deleting half of what I’d written before I hit “publish.” What’s funny to me about that, is if you really truly know me, you know I don’t give a flying hoot what other people think 99% of the time, and if you ask me a question I have no problems being open and honest about my life. But there is something about putting something on the internet that makes me think twice.
It’s probably because I’m old, and can clearly remember a life without the internet.
So this is me being honest about myself, my life, and where I want to be in the next month, year, 5 years, etc:
My name is Raya Pickett. I currently (as of 10 minutes ago) weigh 179 pounds. This means I have 1) definitely gained weight over the last 2 years and 2) have approximately 50 pounds to lose over the next 6 months or so.
Right now I work as a cocktail server in a job that does not utilize my degree in any way, shape, or form. Last year I was fired from not one, but TWO jobs. One was another serving job that I was planning on leaving anyways since I was going to Europe, and one was a job that promised me a lot in the beginning and ended with me being a glorified receptionist who dreaded going to work. But even though I was secretly glad to not have to go back to both of those jobs, before that I had never been fired in my life, so to me it was crazy.
I have lived in Arizona for a little over 2 years now and it has not been easy to make friends! I miss my family and friends in Florida like crazy, and if I didn’t have a boyfriend here whom I love, I would most likely move back in an instant.
In the fall I have plans to attend a culinary program at a community college here. I have wanted to go to culinary school for years and years (cooking is absolutely a passion of mine) and I’m finally “biting the bullet” and doing it, without regard for the little pay I’m sure to make once I graduate with a certificate in culinary arts.
And lastly (for now), I’m also going to get my real estate license with the goal of flipping houses with my dad (he used to be a contractor and flipped houses when I was younger). Eventually (we’re talking years down the road) I would like to end up with a house of my own, and a couple of income properties to supplement the little money I’m sure to make as a new chef starting out.
And there you have it. This is me, these are my goals for now, hopefully you’ll be along for the ride.